birthday update

so things ended up a lot better than i thought they would. although i did not enjoy 28 weeks later. it was actually a pretty bad movie. but i did get to eat at texas road house

and this morning i got the best news ever! my parents are coming to visit me in august!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HUZZAH!

*quite happy right now*

birthday pains

so, collette and i were supposed to go to the movies for my birthday tomorrow. we were going to go see 28 weeks later, just the 2 of us. then we went on that fake double date and we decided we'd invite the boys. now, we find out john's parents are coming into town, so he can't see the movie friday nite with us bc his rents are around. so now, collette doesn't want to go on friday, bc she wants to hang out with him.

also, she doesn't want to go friday bc she is driving to houston to see her mom for mothers day (which is cool, but i wish she just would have told me earlier so that i would have known we aren't doing bday things on my bday).

now, 28 weeks later isn't playing anywhere as a midnight showing. so we were going to go see pan's labyrinth (at the dollar theatre). but since she's already seen that movie she said "that's gay. if you're going to go see that, then i'm not coming".

fuckin' A. i feel like every time we make plans that are my idea she has to change them and make them revolve around her. it fucking pisses me off. for SERIOUS.

i'm to the point where i might not even want to go out and see a movie. i just might want to do nothing and bum around doing nothing. bc last nite she also just kept inviting random people to go do random things with us. i'm like, fine, but then you go and be friends with them.

like, i want to hang out with people, but i've also become kind of a loner since moving to texas, and i don't want to be seeing the same people over and over and over and over again.

*grumble* this is really frustrating. and somehow, my birthday parties always seem to not ever really be about me and only me, and i'm selfish. birthday parties should be all about the person whose bday it is. except for the 21st bday party. that was pretty much all about me and i loved it. but now. *shakes head* this party is a disaster.

even when ash comes to see me, it isn't going to be much of a me party bc it's for her to meet people. *GRUMBLE*

~aurora

future

sometimes, i wish i had a real job.

however, the MSU PhD in Rhetoric and Writing seems pretty damn amazing. so. i don't know. i mean. well. i need to decide what i really want. do i want to waste my time applying to phd progs if i don't really intend to go? no, of course not! that'd be silly.

so, do i want to take a break from school and get a real job? i don't know. i don't want to have to "go back" to school. i just want to get it over with, in a sense, you know? i mean, i don't ever want the learning to end, but i'd like to have the degree that i need in order to become financially responsible for myself.

and the budget is getting pretty tight these days, just one more thing to think on

i should REALLY be working on that jam paper, only i'm not. bc i dont' want to write it. i don't know what i'm going to do with myself. maybe i can just "eat the grade, bite the F" *sigh* fucking class.

and, to top it off, my easiest class i might get a B in if i don't adequately prepare for the final, which i won't be doing if i keep procrastinating!!! ugh.

and i REALLY need to clean my apartment, hardcore style.

~aurora

Tank Top

So, I bought an awesome tank top today, that is absolutely fitting for me. It's totally weird though, because if you didn't know me, I bet you'd think i'm one of "those girls."

my tank top says: "I LOVE my Boyfriend."

it's true though. and i'll admit it, we're totally one of those gushy couples. But we're also really secure individuals. And we're not co-dependent, so I feel it's ok and even awesome to proclaim to people that I really actually do love my boyfriend. He's a pretty wonderful person, when you get down to it.

But then when I get home from buying this and other shirts, he's a jerk. and that bothers me.

seriously. I actually remember a time when he was excited to talk to me every day. And now, even though I haven't had an actual conversation with him since last Sunday, he can't be bothered to talk to me for 10 minutes.

jackass.

i should return that shirt >:-p

*grumble*

Currently Listening Nasty Little Thoughts By Stroke 9 see related

Dear Dr. Mejia,

I think you're an interesting man. You seem to always make me think really really hard about the thoughts that otherwise just bump around in my brain. But I also think you focus too much on Chicano oppression and not enough on relative oppression. This might sound like a jerk thing to say, but trust me, other minority groups are just as oppressed as you are, maybe even more so.

And trust me when I say that I've been as oppressed as you. Just like you, I've had administrators at my jobs and in my schools say rude things about/to me and put me down in various ways (including sexual harassment and assault) just like you have (maybe not the sexual assault thang...). I've been berated for my lack of intelligence, and I've been pushed around by people who felt they had the authority to push me, mainly because I didn't have the tools to fight back. 

You don't scare me. But you do intrigue me. Why do you deny oppression of others and pretend they have more power over you than you have over them? 

In the same token, why do you make it seem like change is a worthless cause but then push so very hard for it? That makes no sense to me, and it also hurts my brain. One minute, you tell me my job is to be a gatekeeper (which I recoil disgustedly against) and the next you tell me to break down the system. 

Which do you want from me? And why can't you just let me do which of the two I think is right, and fuck the system? Why do you have to make me feel naive--almost stupid--when it comes to the one thing I am so ready and willing to fight for? Why do you deny my concerns for multiplicity and equality? Why do you make me feel like my opinion doesn't matter because people in authority over me will only keep repressing me, and why don't you acknowledge the fact once you've made me feel it?

I'd like to discuss these things with you, but I'm sort of afraid that if i come to your office, you'll make me feel like a worthless chick, which is shitty and stupid, but it just might happen.

So, Dr. Mejia, what do you think I should do about any or all of this? Because I truly do feel like I have a lot to learn from you...I'm just not sure that I can learn when my heart and my head are both being pulled in multiple directions, and it hurts very much.

Respectfully,
Courtney